I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found your dick twin last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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