Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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