I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
