I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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