its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
