allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
