Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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