There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
