She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
