I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
