just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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