Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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