Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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