i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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