Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
