i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
