I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize