What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
