this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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