the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
