Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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