I cannot find my penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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