Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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