it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
