just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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