the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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