Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
