Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
