I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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