Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
