Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had sex bonerless
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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