I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
