Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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