No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
