I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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