so that wasnt chicken after all
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
