You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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