Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
