He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
