May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize