i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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