whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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