she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
