don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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