Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
