I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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