Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
