There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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