I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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