You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
