When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
