so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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