If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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