Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to align my fucking chakras
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
