I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
