This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
