How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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