Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
