dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
