Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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