the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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