Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
