I'm eating all of the evidence.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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